Change Is A Participation Process
You need to consider how active you are willing to be in the process of your growth and change. Most people do not even consider this question, and do not see this as a choice. Allow yourself to stop for a moment and really reflect on the question of how active you truly believe yourself to be in making changes in areas of your life that you choose. Without judging what you notice, accept that this is where you are starting, and not “how you are.”
Remember that healthy change is only possible in the present, and only when you are an active participant in the process. The first printed words in the CAIR Handbook are: “Recovery is a Participation Sport” and those words are there for a reason. I have spent many hours (at significant cost to the client!) sharing the same “Nuggets” I am sharing with you in this book.
The truth is that the only way change is going to take place in your life is for you to believe that you are an active participant in the change process and to take action congruent with that belief. No amount of money spent in therapy or coaching will change this truth. This means you need to be “Walking your talk,” imperfectly, as you grow. I can promise that you will often feel clumsy and awkward practicing what you learn in this book. So what? It is normal and healthy to feel clumsy and awkward as you are learning to perceive differently, consciously choosing to notice the filters in your perceptions with an attitude of “No-Fault Learning.”
You can learn how to begin making changes in the setting of your Self-Image Thermostat, to help in your growing process. Take a moment now to consider your perceptions of how active you are willing to be in order to succeed in making healthy changes in your life. Your sense of identity, the person you believe yourself to be, needs to accept that you are the ultimate chooser in your life. This is true whether you believe it or not. The question is how much influence would you like to have on your life?
If you don’t care about having significant impact on your life, I would suggest you exit this web site, because you are wasting your time. If you want to have as much impact on your life as you can, choose to believe that you are an active part of your recovery. This truth is believed as all truths are believed – a layer at a time. Notice the resistance you feel to this truth. Allow yourself to take the time to listen respectfully to the messages coming from your resistance. Allow your resistance to help you connect with wounded parts of yourself that need your loving supervision.
You live in a very fractured, compartmentalized world with more demands on your time and energy than you could possible give. Many of my clients get so caught up in the business of their lives that they have difficulty “finding” time to do their homework. Does this sound familiar to you? The truth is that there is no extra time to “find.” I’m telling you what I tell all my clients, if you want to make healthy changes in your life you need to make the difficult decisions regarding making time to reflect and focus on learning New Program and applying it imperfectly in your daily life. Experiencing this material takes time and thought. Practicing what you are learning does not have to take more time, and can actually help you gain more time. What it does require is living consciously, intentionally looking for opportunities to practice experiencing yourself as “becoming” in difficult situations. Instead of looking for time to practice your homework, allow whatever you are doing at the moment to be practice. Those who approach change in this way have a very high success rate at reaching their goals because they choose to live their learning in the present. What do you choose?
Those people in Therapeutic Coaching who seemed to blossom allowed themselves to imperfectly believe in New Program attitudes and perceptions, believing and applying healthy tools and concepts to themselves personally in their daily lives. They were very clumsy and awkward at first, but they would let it be an adventure of “becoming.”
Those who seemed to struggle so hard, and suffer such pain in the change process, would acknowledge that New Program is a powerful set of tools for change. They would often share it with their friends, helping their friends make changes in their lives, but having difficulty applying it in their own lives. They would hold on to the truth of New Program, believing it intellectually, but refusing to allow themselves the grace, the No-Fault learning that makes New Program come alive at a level of personal experience.